I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Found your dick twin last night
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
