I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Four minutes until I can fart!
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
