I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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