If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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