Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
