the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
