Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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