I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
