We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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