Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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