Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
