my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Randomize
