dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Two words: nipple clamps
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