I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
