The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Liz is crying about burritos again.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
