Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
