you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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