I wish life had little blips of pornography
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
