Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
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I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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