I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
