If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
