apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Shame - the story of my life.
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