k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
