I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
