your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
