I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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