I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
