you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize