Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
