When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
