yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
