It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
