dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
