weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
my sisters under your porch take her home
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Randomize
