sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
