Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
