I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
