South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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