i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Randomize
