My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
