Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
