There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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