My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
