It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
