I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
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