I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
