ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
