I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Randomize
