she's into porn, im staying here tonight
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
