I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
