Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
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