i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
whose parrot is this?
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
