i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
How's work?
Spinning.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
