You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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