no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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