**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
