There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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