So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
