I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
