he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
