So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
