I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
