Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Randomize
