May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
