Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
