So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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